Tower of Power

Powerless: Without power; weak, feeble, impotent, unable, not empowered, etc.

I'm not sure that I had any idea what the concept of powerlessness was when I first came into The Program. It's not that I didn't agree with the fact that I was powerless or didn't understand what the word meant. I just wasn't capable of thinking about anything very clearly. I couldn't connect the concept of powerlessness with the moving, burning, exploding train wreck that my life had become.

I didn't stop drinking because I was powerless over alcohol or that my life had become unmanageable. I quit because the alcohol didn't work any more. I didn't say: "I'm going to stop drinking because I'm powerless." I quit because I was in as much pain as I could stand. The alcohol no longer gave me any relief from the devils that were sticking pitchforks into my flanks. I drank and drank and couldn't get drunk, in my mind. My body was certainly drunk but that sense of peace and well-being that the alcohol used to provide had vanished like a thief in the night.

I didn't think about the rationale behind the Twelve Step recovery program at the outset. I simply attended meetings every day. I woke up every morning with my hair on fire and my friends were well equipped with fire extinguishers. I went so that some kind soul could spray fire retardant onto the top of my head, not because I was powerless.