I have been texting with some friends in Ventura which isn’t always convenient because of the big time difference but it’s helping, too. I received a note from a friend yesterday asking if we could talk on the phone so I rang him up and immediately commented that the call was probably costing me $20/minute, aware that it was a whole twenty cents. I shouldn’t have said this because my buddy was upset and took it literally, a problem I run into from time to time with my sense of humor.
Anyway, he’s getting married and had a run-in with an asshole relative which got him reacting and reacting in anger which is really the worst time to react. If you want to do something or say something stupid open your mouth when you’re pissed off. He told me what was going on and how he behaved and what he was going to do and most of it didn’t sound too good to me. I try to remember that when my instincts - sex, money, power - are threatened then it’s a good bet I’ll defend myself and in the worst way possible. I could have talked to him through an amplified bullhorn and he wouldn’t have stopped, that’s how upset he was. He had said at one point that he really fucked up. I took this to mean he drank or used and was thrilled to hear this wasn’t the case. I figure whatever he did or said was repairable but drinking and using can have some wicked consequences.
I was eager to tell him what to do because who knows better than me? I’ve made such a success of life that everyone should follow my lead . . . right over the cliff or right into a brick wall. I did mention that action when I’m mad rarely works out. I also mentioned that he didn’t drink, which is huge. I mentioned - as did his wiser-than-he fiancee - that there are a lot of assholes out there and we’ve got to deal with them from time to time and it’s my experience that assholes usually remain assholes. I wanted to say that we’re the ones with the spiritual program, we’re the ones who have to go the extra mile and be especially kind and understanding and calm and forgiving, to love people for who they are instead of who we want them to be, but that seemed like a pretty big matzo ball to swallow at this juncture in his recovery. If an asshole caused me to behave poorly then the world is just a little less kind. I’m trying to be kinder, not more combative.
I’m still astounded that other men - world famous for stuffing everything deep down inside - will occasionally come to me for advise. I’ll tell you this fact - when I was running and gunning no one wanted my opinion on anything. They just looked at me and did the exact opposite thing. I’m guessing that phone call cost me like two bucks. I would have paid ten times that much and gladly for the sense of relief and purpose it gave me. These connections with other people . . . goddam, what a blessing.
