Thursday, April 9, 2026
GAD
More Aspects of Weirdo Humanity
In my Quiet Time I ask for help from outside my self in directing my thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. I'm not positive what that means exactly, or how it applies to me. Certainly, I'm self-seeking. THAT one I get. I'm a self-seeking guided missile. A self-seeking bulldozer. I don't think I'm all that dishonest; at least that I know of. Sure, I lie all the time but is that what the Big Book is really talking about? Some lying to make myself look better in the eyes of my fellows or to hide up some shitty, underhanded behavior that might make me look better seems perfectly reasonable to me. Everybody does that, right? But the suggestion that makes me pause is the reminder to avoid self-pity whenever possible. I really, seriously don't think that I fall into that trap too often.
So here's some stuff . . .
I called a friend in The Program and didn't get a return call.
I sent a long, clever, relatable text to a new person in The Fellowship with whom I have a strong relationship. Crickets.
I sent a note out to a friend about a topic that I really thought about and heard an entire chorus of different crickets.
The car repair is taking longer than I had hoped. Not longer that I expected but longer than I had hoped.
None of this stuff is important. None of this stuff is out of the ordinary. But it has sort of bugged me, you know? The sane part of my brain is saying: "Chill out." and the insane part, the huge, massive insane part, is shrieking: "The world is ending!!"
Wednesday, April 8, 2026
Humans Are Weirdos
Tuesday, April 7, 2026
A Vision For Me
Sunday, April 5, 2026
Balance
Balance: Mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgement, etc.; inner harmony between mind, body, and soul, which allows individuals to navigate life's challenges with peace, stability, and a connection to a higher purpose or God.
I ponder frequently the concept of balance. I try to find the Middle Passage, the Middle Way. This all comes back to the awareness that I am more comfortable by constitution and habit to seek out the extremes of everything and when I'm in Extreme Mode I'm a highly unpredictable person. Full acceleration or take a nap.
In Buddhist practice the Middle Way refers to a spiritual practice that steers clear of both extreme asceticism and sensual indulgence.
Here's one of the promises found in the 12&12 that we can expect if we faithfully practice prayer and meditation.
"One of its first fruits is emotional balance."
Here are some snippets of phrases: Can we stay sober and keep emotional balance? Throw us off balance. Put us off balance. Still far off balance. Keep in emotional balance. We will surely keep our balance.
We're thrown, tossed, knocked, shoved off balance until we get some balance and then we get to keep that balance. See how that works? No? I don't get it. Nobody does. Don't think about it too deeply. You know what it feels like to whipsaw between extremes. Now you're going to find out how peaceful it is to sit quietly in between those extremes. It can be a little boring sometimes but it is . . . peaceful, quiet, peaceful.
Saturday, April 4, 2026
Math 101
Friday, April 3, 2026
One Red Cent
When I was getting sober in Indianapolis one of my first sponsors was a successful stock broker who drove a big, white Cadillac and he had a wife and kids and a nice house in a nice suburb. He was a kind, kind, spiritual man with a big heart and he was also pretty blunt dealing with new twerps like me. I would hear him talk about how important it was to improve myself from within, that the outside stuff was only window dressing that would never make me deeply happy and I was occasionally tempted to say: "Yeah, well, why don't you give me your car then, you sanctimonious prick." Luckily, I was too afraid of him at the time to say such a thing but, on second hand, I bet he would have responded with a big belly laugh. The shit we learn . . . .