Friday, June 13, 2008

I Can Make You Better

Critical: Tending to find fault; censorious.

Today I am going to be critical. By that I mean Good Critical. I'm going to offer up heaps and loads of constructive criticism, an unending stream of commentary on how you could improve your life. Who would be better to point out all of your flaws and defects than me? I'm joking, of course, because I'm the most qualified. There is no one more qualified than me.

The outstanding success of my own life has given me the experience necessary to critique yours. I have nothing personal to work on. I'm pretty much a polished, finished product. All of my rigorous self-analysis has lead to the magnificent personal specimen standing before you, virtually, in cyberspace.

Deep down inside you crave this commentary. You want to hear what I think of you. You are eager to change yourself to meet my exacting specifications. Get the cotton out of your ears, stuff it in your mouth, and listen closely to what I have to say about you. Then take these suggestions and get to work.

No comments: