They're Out to Get Me

Paranoia: A mental disorder characterized by systematized delusions, as of grandeur, or, especially, persecution.

Today I am going to assume that everyone is out to get me. It's a big conspiracy. They're all sitting around, plotting, planning, figuring out the best techniques to get in my way and frustrate all of my dreams and ambitions. Their heads are so full of schemes that they have trouble falling asleep at night. There are stadiums packed with people taking seminars on how to drive me to the brink of insanity. Seminars with names like "Slow Driving" and "How to Be Unhelpful at Work."

The fact of the matter is that most people are thinking about me just about as much as I'm thinking about them, which is almost never. I don't pay attention to anyone unless I see how it will benefit me . Thinking of someone else is a waste of my time. It gets in the way of my thinking about myself, a full time job in its own right.

Remember: it's not paranoia if someone really is out to get you.