Why I Do What I Do

Motive: Some inner drive, impulse, intention, etc. that causes a person to do something or act in a certain way; incentive; goal.

One snippet of advice that I get from some of my trusted friends and advisers -- and from a bunch of people who irritate the hell out of me, to be honest with you -- is to "check my motives." This is a pointless exercise. I don't waste my time checking my motives. My motives are clear to every slithering, crawling, and burrowing creature on the face of this earth: More money! More power! More sex!

The goal behind "checking my motives" isn't to find out what my motives are but rather to determine whether I'm allowing money, power, and/or sex to totally distort what I'm trying to do. And I have to look closely much of the time because my Id is totally dominating my Super-Ego. It's like Duke versus the JV squad of the Little Sisters of the Poor. My Id is posting up my Super-Ego and slam dunking on its head. I make decisions all of the time that I think are pure, only to find out that the evil little guy with horns and trident has worked his magic and totally blinded my conscious self to what I'm really trying to obtain.

This is why I talk to people. I need some help in separating what is right from what is not. I'm not capable of doing it myself. I don't trust what goes on in my own mind. There's some weird shit going on in there from time to time. Weird, out of control stuff.