Taking a Critical Look

Criticism: The act of making judgements; analysis of qualities and evaluation of comparative worth.


There aren't a lot of concepts in recovery with more baggage than the idea of "criticism." I'm not sure when my interpretation of criticism changed from the idea of someone taking an objective look at me and my actions to believing that I'm under vicious attack by people looking to do me grievous bodily harm. A movie critic is supposed to tell us whether or not he likes a movie. He can give good criticism. There is such a thing.

All of us know individuals who unleash torrents of negative criticism. It's easier to point out the flaws in another than to work on our own. Some of us grew up in families like that or have jobs where the environment is poisonous. After a while we stop listening. Nobody likes to be told they are messing up all of the time. It's not practical advice. Nobody is that big of a screw up. And god save the poor souls that internalize this kind of abuse.

I value constructive criticism from people who care about me. I find this advice is often more helpful than positive comments that are quickly tossed off. However, I always start off by getting defensive. I always argue my point, trying to show why I'm right and my critic is wrong. Then I settle down and try to take an objective look at what was said. People that have my best interests in mind can help me be a better person. I do, after all, make the occasional mistake. It's rare and the mistakes are so insignificant as to be almost undetectable, but they are there.

Other than that I don't listen to anything anyone has to say.