Thursday, December 13, 2012

Emotional Hangover

Still a little angry this morning.  Not deep down in my bones, ruin my entire day angry,  but I can hork up some irritation pretty quickly.  It's more of a "whatever, dude" kind of anger, kind of a pleasant day-dreamy kind of anger, but I could get it going if I wanted to.  It makes me see how dangerous an emotion it can be for me - it was positively deadly, venomous, when I was drinking.  And it's not the anger that's such an issue; it's what the anger can become if I indulge it.  Resentment, fury, vindictive fury, take no prisoners burn down the house fury.  I don't try and pretend that I don't have a temper any more - I try to channel it away from the women and children.  It's fire for me.  Burn down the house - cook my food.  The choice is mine.

I also have to be careful with good feelings although not as careful as with the anger.  I can drift off in totally delusional flights of fancy, although these are a lot more pleasant and not nearly as destructive.

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