Special Steve

Special:  Unusual; uncommon; exceptional; extraordinary.


I am a very, very, oh-so-special guy.  If you only knew how special I am you would certainly treat me better than you are treating me today, which is not well enough given my exceptionally special status. And if you think I'm special now you should have seen me when I was drinking; I was extraordinarily special then.  I'm happy to report that the longer I've managed to stay sober the more ordinary I've become.  I don't want to imply that I'm still not profoundly special because that's simply not the case, but I am making slow, steady progress descending from the very tip of the highest peak on the tallest mountain in the universe: Mt. Special Steve.


When I was drinking I was so special that no rule of god or man applied to me.  I was free to do whatever I wanted, without consequences.  I didn't have to go to work or show up on time; I didn't have to obey any rules or regulations of our legal system; my body was impervious to the abuse I lavished upon it; I was free to ignore the interests of family and friends; and money grew on trees.  Seriously.  I seriously thought this way.  I had a vaguely uncomfortable feeling deep down inside that this was unsustainable in the long run but I considered myself more of a sprinter, a speed demon, a drag racer, anyway, and I figured I could outrun any blow back.


Sobriety showed me that maybe, possibly this wasn't an accurate view of the world.  The Program suggested that while I was free to behave however I wished, that there might be consequences to my behavior.  I accepted the basic framework of this premise, eventually, but chafed under the requirement of the consequences.  That seemed unfair to someone who, while maybe not the most special person in the world anymore, was still pretty special.  My friends did not support this attitude.  They kept encouraging me to correct my mistakes and to try to behave well right out of the chute.  Eventually, I found that it was a lot, lot easier to behave to avoid the mistakes in the first place than it was to go back and clean up messes.


I did, however, have a card up my sleeve, an ace in the hole; namely, that the world could be a very, very unfair place.  When I was trying to behave well but made a mistake sometimes the world didn't give me a pass.  The Book talks about the fact that the world judges me on my actions, not my intentions.  Baloney on that, I thought.


Special-Special Steve would be a good nickname, too.