Boredom

Bore:   To weary by being dull, uninteresting, or monotonous.
Boredom: The condition of being bored or uninterested; ennui.


I never considered boredom to be a personal character defect; I considered it to be a defect of life in general that was impacting me unnecessarily.  All of the routine and humdrum, all of the teeth brushing and work and family obligations, all of it was way, way beneath me.  I was arrogant enough to get upset while I was waiting in line to get my auto tags renewed on the rare occasions when I was solvent enough to have a car that was actually running, which is something that I'm required to do by law, irritatingly enough.  "I'm too important for this," I groused.


I'm embarrassed to admit that I thought life was going to be all fun all of the time, all gumdrops and lollipops.  I'm not sure that I could sell this concept to your average 5 year old which speaks to my emotional maturity at the time.  I didn't spend any time going to doctors or maintaining my car because it wasn't fun, with predictable results to my body and cars.  I had trouble making the connection between behaving poorly and outcomes that affected me.


Often, I dispensed with work because it wasn't as much fun as getting stoned and watching "The Beverly Hillbillies," as great as that show might have been.  And if I had to do something I considered routine and ordinary, I drank or used to ease the boredom, with more predictable results.  The last picture that I had taken for a driver's license before I got clean and sober shows me staring vaguely off into the distance at an odd angle.  I seemed to be watching a rocket ship land on the distant horizon.  When they said " look here and smile" I apparently couldn't handle that much concentration.  I'm surprised they gave me the license.


Today when I get bored I file under "Character Defect."  There's no reason for it.  It's not appropriate.  I'm taking a perfectly lovely and stimulating world and wasting my opportunities.