Old Timers

I went to a meeting this morning, of course.  It was the least I could do after my outrageous display of self-centered fear yesterday.  The guy that gave the talk to kick the meeting off was old and he was an old-timer as well.  The peace and ease that comes off of guys like that is unmistakable, like strong perfume.  It's just there.  I knew this man worked a steady, solid, spiritual program of recovery.  It wasn't even recovery any more; it was more a god-centered life.


Of course, he picked up The Book and read a nice section chock full of good recovery things.  Solution things written by someone after they stopped drinking.  That's the stuff I need to hear, the "what it's like now" stuff.  I get too wrapped up in "what it was like" stuff.


I am still suffering with a little bit of an emotional hangover from yesterday.  When my mind drifts to one or another of the things that I found so upsetting I can feel a little shiver of fear course down my body.  I've gotten to work on most of the things; the work being a simple change of attitude and outlook.  Most of my life can be looked at from different points of view.  I can take a look at the downside and blow it up into a monstrous shape, or I can look at it from a more positive point of view.  It's the same thing.  The only change is how I choose to approach it.


Carrying serenity into the events of my daily life is not a simple process.  The transition point between the end of a meeting and the beginning of "real life" is a long jump.  Sometimes I find my calm and concentration evaporate within minutes, leaving me apparently no better off than before.


That's OK -- I just strap myself back into the chair and get back to work.  I'm better; I'm not good.