What to Do, What to Do?

Contradiction: A condition in which things tend to be contrary to each other; inconsistency; discrepancy.

In the interest of trying to keep things simple I usually assume that when I want to do something then I probably shouldn't do it. I'm not that good at making decisions that work out well for me in the long run. I have a defective decision maker. The great irony, of course, is that all I do is try to arrange my life so that I receive the maximum amount of personal pleasure out of everything.

Just as important as this great pursuit for personal pleasure is my desire to avoid doing things that I don't want to do. I don't need to tell you that this is quite a long list. There are many things that I don't want to do, such as anything that involves work, effort, personal sacrifice, or pain and boredom of any kind whatsoever. The thought of putting the welfare of another person before my own is farcical.

So here I am, Horseface Steve, blithely tootling along, oblivious to the needs or wants of anyone else in the world, yet vaguely uneasy about things. Every now and then, despite my best efforts to the contrary, I will do something that I don't want to do but might have the best interests of someone else in mind. What happens? I feel better about myself. When I think of others I feel good; when I think about myself I feel bad. Although this concept is not that complicated, it will not take root in my brain. I have a genetic disposition to ignore the well being of other people. It is not part of my normal make up.

Very frustrating, this thinking about others. Verrrry frustrating.