Friend or Foe?

I recently gave a lead at an area clubhouse. This particular meeting features talks by people who have twenty plus years of sobriety. "Man," I thought. "This organization is in a world of hurt if I've crossed some kind of mythical threshold." Most of the time I'm in a Texas Death Match with that goat playing the ukulele. I'm lucky if I can act in a normal fashion 20 or 30 percent of the time. Otherwise it's any body's guess what's going to come out of my mouth .


A few good friends of mine came to hear me speak and I always make a point of emphasizing how important these relationships are to my sobriety. It's one thing to attend a meeting once a week and another all together to have long conversations with people who know me very, very well. I have a tendency to spin things when I'm speaking before a bunch of people. I want to be funny and profound in my message and well put together. If I'm having trouble at work I can paint a picture that would seem to place all of the blame on the job and none of it on me, as unlikely as this is. I don't even know I'm doing this most of the time. My capacity for bullshit and self-delusion is boundless.

So I have these friends who know they can shoot from the hip with me. In my opinion that's what a friend is. Someone who knows he can speak his mind and that there won't be long lasting repercussions. When I was drinking I had a Shit List, and you were on it. I didn't forget anything. I was a master grudge holder. So what happens? Nobody tells you anything you don't want to hear.

One time I was having coffee with Willy and he was laying it on pretty thick so I interrupted and told him what I really thought. He started to laugh then yelled to the waitstaff: "I'm going to need another cup of steaming hot coffee because I'm going to pour this one in this guy's crotch."

I can move surprisingly fast for an old man.