Happy New Year

Resolution: The thing resolved or determined upon; decision as to future action; resolve.

I had time on vacation to ponder my New Year's resolutions. And I don't mean standard stuff like Lose 10 Pounds or Start Exercising or Quit Using Heroin. I knew I would never do those things. I'm talking about actions that I could actually consider thinking about doing some day in the distant future on a planet in a galaxy far, far away.

Here's a partial listing of what I came up with:
1. Quit acting like such an asshole.
2. If I have a headache, don't imagine the presence of a malignant tumor the size of a softball.
3. When I have a bad day at work, avoid the thought procession that has me getting fired, never getting another job ever again, losing my house and family, and living in a refrigerator box under a highway overpass.
4. If I have a stomach ache, don't assume that I have a tropical parasitic tapeworm 25 yards long.
5. When I want to say something -- anything -- just don't say it. The stuff that comes out of my mouth isn't that good.
6. If I wake up with a stiff back, don't worry that it's the result of chronic degenerative spinal scoliosis syndrome.
7. Bathe regularly.

I'm aiming low.