The Alcohol Keeps Coming At Me

I have learned over the years to be especially careful about my sobriety when I'm on vacation. I believe that if I quit working The Program one day at a time that I will eventually drink again, and I think that it not be during a time of stress or tragedy. When I'm in difficult circumstances, when I'm in pain or fearful, I tend to work on my recovery. It's when I get all relaxed and loosey-goosey and away from my support network that my thoughts drift toward alcohol and drugs. Alcohol, after all, did a good job making good times better.

Here are some of the things that happened to me in Belize.

When we checked into our hotel on the beach, we were shown the three beverages always available at no charge to the guests: coffee, fruit punch, and rum punch. Free fruit punch with rum. I would have just taken that container up to my room and suckled it like a new born baby. I think the fruit punch container had "Fruit Punch" written on it in magic marker; the alcohol had "Fruit Punch with Rum -- Enjoy!!" There may have been several exclamation points. The writing was more attractive and alluring, friendlier somehow. Were they suggesting that I shouldn't enjoy the fruit punch? That it was unlovable, less than somehow?

The first evening we walked the half mile from our hotel into the little party town that was the island's focal point. After a couple of hundred yards we came on a guy who had six or eight little hand made rope bracelets on a piece of cardboard. "This guy needs to work on his marketing," I thought. Friendly, he asked when we had gotten into town, what were we doing for New Year's Eve, did we want to buy some pot -- free sample, would we look at his bracelets? "Excuse me, what was that middle thing again?" This was repeated a half dozen times as we made our way into town. Apparently marijuana control was not a big issue here. I figured that with the tropical climate and a big crowd of Rasta dudes that the weed was probably top shelf. Free rum punch and free samples of weed. Where were these people when I was using?

We stop for dinner at a local restaurant overlooking the Caribbean. Nice breeze, great view, food smelling wonderful, and the waiter takes our order for a couple of cokes. "What, no drink? Mai Tai, margarita, beer? You're on vacation." I'm sure the markup on beer is a lot higher than the markup on beans and rice. I bet no one orders eight plates of beans and rice at one sitting. If he does, I bet he sleeps by himself that night.

I was not tempted by any of these very, very attractive temptations but I was very, very aware of them. This is how I know I'm an alcoholic. This hyper-awareness of the presence of alcohol is pretty typical of alcoholics.

Funny. There was always a full container of rum punch and never any fruit punch when we were thirsty.