St. Francis Strikes Again

Garment: Any covering of clothing; clothes; costume.

St Francis, that great friend and mentor to recovering alcoholics, once suggested that we should "wear the world like a loose garment." He was not making recommendations about clothing. St. Francis is not your mother. He doesn't care if you go outside without a coat even though it's as cold as a witch's stainless steel Sub-Zero freezer "Quik-Freeze" compartment, should such a freezer or compartment actually exist. I have no knowledge one way or another. I have a Frigidaire, I think.


The idea behind the garment comment -- which definitely dates St. Francis. I mean when is the last time you said: "Hmmm, I wonder which garment I should wear today?" Probably the last time you put on a pair of trousers or wore an Easter hat -- is to suggest that we need to be willing to let go of our attachments to everything and anything connected to this world. A lot of the problems that we have can be traced to overly strong attachments to stuff and people and things.


I personally wear the world like a piece of spandex exercise equipment designed for a tiny woman. Unfortunately, I look better in women's clothing but I'm not going to delve into that topic here. Back to the garment, which has been washed in a scalding hot washer then dried in a scorching hot dryer. It has shrunk somewhat. It has a warning label stating"sizes run smaller than normal." It is not loose in a normal sense of the word. It so restricts my circulation that all of the blood in my body is forced into my mouth, where I relieve the pressure by saying stupid and inappropriate things.

When I go into the garment store I purposely lie about my garment size. If the garment fitter questions my measurements, I snatch the tape measure out of his pocket and shred it with my sharp teeth. "I didn't say I want a garment that fits, you dumb ass," I snarl. I lose my garment. I steal garments from other people. My garment is old and should have been thrown away long ago.

I'm not the best person to join for a day of clothes shopping.