Perception Regression

Perception: Consciousness; awareness; insight or intuition, as of an abstract quality.

I went to my club today and took a swim. And by "swim" I mean "swallowing pool water while trying not to sink." Swimming in a lap pool is a great place to see how you measure up against other people. Other people are your competition. You need to beat them. In the pool the lanes are right next to each other so you can easily see who you are beating. And by "beating" I mean "getting beat by someone twenty years older than me."


I have this need to be Number One, even when I don't have anything particularly important to gain by being the best at something. There I am, swimming away, pleased with the exercise I'm getting -- not so strenuous that I'm hurting myself but strenuous enough that I'm not sinking to the bottom -- and some one starts to swim in the next lane. Today it was a kid twenty years younger than me. I'm a 98 lb. weakling who can't swim faster than a five year old in Bozo The Clown water wings, but that didn't stop me from picking up the pace, until I was gasping for air and totally miserable. Now something in my rotator cuff feels a little twingey, and I don't even know what a rotator cuff is. And he still beat the shit out of me.


It's that way in my work life, too. I've had jobs before where I have been totally happy with the amount of money I'm making and pleased with my supervisor. (Fair disclosure: I'm lying -- I've never been totally happy with anything.) Then I find that the guy next to me has a higher salary. Just like that I'm pissed. I go to my supervisor -- the one I like -- and complain about this injustice. When he doesn't do anything to help me out I develop a resentment at this bastard who doesn't know how valuable I am. In two minutes I have gone from being happy and content to being angry and resentful. What changed? Absolutely nothing but my perception of the world.


Perception is reality