Are We There Yet?

Happy: Having, showing, or causing a feeling of great pleasure, contentment, joy, etc.; joyous; glad; pleased.

Now we're talking: "great pleasure." I like the sound of that. Contentment really doesn't have the kick that I like. Great pleasure sounds like a double shot of whiskey; contentment sounds like half a glass of wine once in a while on a special occasion. Joy is something you do in church or at a high school pep rally: sing joyous songs, rejoice joyfully, spread glad tidings of great joy, etc. I'm not into gladness or being pleased, either. I don't know what those words mean and I'm not looking them up. They sound like they should be in a Robert Frost poem, not a hard rock bar at 2AM. People aren't pleased when they are screaming for an encore. They are pumped, stoked, revved up.

I like to complicate things. I like big emotions. I like to be on top of the world, riding a monster wave. I like to move at high speed. I don't want to do the little things so that everything works out in the long run. I don't like to do the work. I want everything to come easily and have a big payoff.

These are not the ramblings emanating from a sane, mature state of mind. Most people learn these things as they age normally. I got stuck as a 17 year old. I didn't learn how to move past my own self interest. I couldn't grasp the idea that happiness comes when I lose myself in service to others and in pursuit of spiritual growth.