Expectations, Incorporated

Expect: Implies a considerable degree of confidence that an event will happen.


Normally I expect that whatever is going to happen will be very, very bad. So bad -you don't know how bad. Don't get me started on how bad. This despite the fact that very bad things almost never happen to me and when they do, they're not as bad as I think they're going to be, and even then I've been given the tools to handle whatever comes my way. But I'm sure this time it's going to be different. This time it's going to be bad.


Ironically, the rest of the time I expect that the outcome is going to be very, very good. Implausibly good. Scoring the winning points as time expires to win The Championship of the World good. Super model in a Ferrari good. People are a little wary about planning things with me or giving me anything because my expectations are so blown out of proportion. "You bought me a little gift? Is it a Ferrari? A red Ferrari?"


I'm going to die today in a horrible, painful accident or I'm going to live forever in the penthouse suite at the Shangri La Hotel. I haven't decided which yet. Could be both. I'm not sure how that would work but I bet it'd be cool.