Holiday -- From "Holy Day"

The holidays can be a little tricky. Expectations are high. This is generally problematic with alcoholics who have made disappointment when high expectations are not met an art form. It's as if we have to be wondrously joyous because the time of the year calls for it. Does this mean we get to act poorly the rest of the year? I don't have the ability to turn my joyiosity on and off like a light. Personally I think it would be a lot easier to behave pretty well most of the time than to be really, really good for a couple of weeks at the end of the year. I don't like being really good. It doesn't come to me naturally.

I attended my wife's holiday party last weekend. It was the worst holiday party that I have ever attended for a whole variety of reasons. Mostly it was the tension between people who don't normally get along all that well but were forced to socialize at an event where being wondrously joyous was required. There was a lot of uncomfortable conversation over the bad beef and creme brulee. The president showed up an hour late and made his "Go get 'em" speech at the end of the dinner, when the drinkers were drunk and half the crowd had left. The manager told me that he was being sued for sexual harassment. He didn't invite the employees he didn't like to the company Christmas party.

At one job I held the owner made his employees exchange names and buy each other a gift. In an ironic twist of fate (remember: God has a great sense of humor) he got my name. "What do you want?" he asked me. "How about you don't act like such a jerk?" I wanted to say. He bought me the kind of shirt that he liked to wear in his favorite color. "Gee, thanks," I said. I'm still polishing the car with it.

I'm not trying to poop all over the holidays. I enjoy them as much as the next person, as long as I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do.

Santa is hip to my bullshit.