St. Elsewhere

Else: In a different time, place, or manner; differently; otherwise.

I'm certain that today I would be happy if I had Something Else. The things that I have are not the right things. I'm in the wrong relationships, I was born into the wrong family, and I think that I have someone else's stuff. I was actually in line to get George Clooney's face but he elbowed his way ahead of me when the faces were being passed out. He thinks he's so hot -- see how many movie deals he could get if he had a big horse face.

I have a particularly sharp eye when it comes to evaluating other people's stuff. I'm sure if I had what you had that I would be happy. How did I get stuck with these crappy things? I want to be somewhere else. I want to be someone else. And in a great twist of cruel fate, when I get something that I desperately want, I can't figure out what the big attraction was. Then I spend my time sitting around bitching about how wonderful it used to be.

The goal, of course, is to be happy with what I have, which is more than I deserve in light of my atrocious behavior.