Anger Infuriates Me

Anger: A feeling that may result from injury, mistreatment, opposition, etc.; it usually shows itself in a desire to hit out at something or someone else; wrath; indignation; rage; ire.

I'm not sure that I was aware that there was any other kind of feeling except for rage, wrath, and ire before I got into recovery. I had a passing acquaintance with depression but even in my parboiled state I knew that was the result of beating myself with my own Club of Anger. I have always subscribed to the theory that the best defense is a good offense, so when I don't feel good I take it out on someone else. It's your fault. It is a lot easier to scream furiously at one of my many clueless victims than to accept that my frustration with my own shortcomings is the real source of my problems.

I don't believe it's healthy for me to pretend that anger doesn't exist. It's a human emotion that we all have. I am done, however, with stuffing my rage deep down inside where the sun doesn't shine. Serenity now -- insanity later.

My anger is like nuclear fission. It can provide power for millions of people or it can wipe Turkestan off of the map. It's going to keep fissioning away. The trick is to quit pushing the Launch button.