Meditation or Medication?

Meditation: Solemn reflection on sacred matters as a devotional act.

A couple of days ago I forgot to share my thoughts on meditation, probably because I was spending so much time praying that I was going to get everything that I want and avoid anything that I find unpleasant. I don't mean to suggest that praying is not an important part of my recovery program. It is. It's just that it can be time consuming. There are a lot of things that can go wrong that I need to head off. There is a long list of things that I want that need to be catalogued in great detail and then transmitted to my Higher Power.

It has been said that praying is talking to God and meditation is listening to what God may have to say. Nobody believes this. We recognize that a prayer is a long list of demands and that meditation is, at its best, nap time. The seamier side of meditation contains sexual fantasies, intricate plots of revenge, and pleasant thoughts of what it would like to be very wealthy, a rock star, a professional athlete, or very wealthy. Maybe I could be a wealthy professional athlete -- beloved by all -- who learns how to play slide guitar and jams with old bluesmen in some Delta backwater.

I'm trying to convince myself that an intricate plot for revenge can be a sacred matter. It's not going very well.