The Bright Side? What's That?

Pessimism: The tendency to expect misfortune or the worst outcome in any circumstances; practice of looking on the dark side of things.

For someone who hates pain so much I sure spend a lot of time making sure that I experience as much of it as possible. My brain looks for pain. My entire being rushes headlong toward fear. I'm in my little canoe, drifting down a nice river, approaching a fork in the water. One side has rainbows and pleasant breezes and everything is dripping with pastel colors. There are like a hundred Bambis frolicking around. The other fork is dark and forbidding. The wind is howling and the underbrush is stunted and dead. The only animals that I can see are wolverines and hyenas and a few astonishingly large crocodiles. The rain is lashing the canoe with such ferocity that I can barely see to paddle that way with all of my might, which of course I do. I vaguely sense that I am not making a good decision but I'm almost powerless to stop myself.

My life before recovery was fear based. It's familiar and weirdly comfortable. And I have an innate tendency to look for the dark lining in every cloud. I think a lot of alcoholics do. Sometimes I run into those freaks of nature that are naturally optimistic. Big smiles on their faces, relaxed, looking on the bright side of things, sure that everything will work out. I can't stand people like that. They should be quarantined on Leprosy Island.

My experience is that everything does work out even when I don't like the path I have to take to get to the better place.