Death Metal

Death:  The cessation of life and all associated processes.

I caught up with my sister yesterday for her boots-on-the-ground report on my father.  It's grim as most reports of aging, active alcoholics tend to be: not eating, not getting out of bed, fluid around the lungs, shortness of breath requiring oxygen, GI infection common among the old and infirm who have spent a lot of time in the hospital or rehab units.  She is under the impression that the hospital may not be spending a huge amount of time trying to extend things with him.  I don't mean that to sound uncharitable or to accuse the hospital of being unethical, either, but rather to suggest that maybe it's not a bad thing for our health care system let someone go who has clearly, deliberately, willfully thrown in the towel.  If it would be better for him to get out of bed and move around and he was making an effort to accomplish this, that would be one thing.  If he doesn't want to get out of bed then I can hardly fault the hospital staff for not wanting to take time away from patients who are trying to get better to wheedle and cajole his stubborn ass.

She spent a few uncomfortable-for-her minutes talking about the nagging voice in her head that keeps suggesting the best thing would be for him to let go and catch up with mom in the Great Rehab In The Sky.  I was able to ease her mind a bit, I hope, by telling her that my feelings were the same and that I had to address them every single morning during my Quiet Time.  I don't wish death upon anyone no matter how strongly I feel that a release from a clearly unpleasant existence would be the best for that person.  That is DEFINITELY not my call.  I do ask that I be the best son that I can be and that my father has peace of mind and spiritual contentment. Whether or not he's ready to let go is between him and his Higher Power.  Some of us are ready and some of us are not.

I believe that our experience in The Program helps a lot in these cases.  All of us know the helpless feelings that arise when we watch someone making lousy, life-threatening choices.  We wish we could ease the pain while knowing that we cannot, and that it isn't our burden to deprive people of experiences that they may have to go through to get to a better place, especially when we know that they may not make it back to us alive.  I truly believe that I had to go through everything I went through to make it here.

More will be revealed.