Pity V Empathy

Sympathy:  A feeling of pity or sorrow for the suffering of another.
Empathy:  Identification with or understanding of the thoughts, feelings, or emotional state of another person. 

Our meeting today centered around helping the still suffering alcoholic.  I'm always reminded of just how self-centered I can be and how counter-productive this is to my contentment.  It's a variation of the old theme: "The more I think about myself the more unhappy I become."  The problem is that it's so natural and satisfying to think about myself and such a waste of time to use up any of my limited mental resources thinking about anyone else.

You want to be unhappy?  Dedicate the rest of the day to going over every last, stinking detail of your own life.

The analogy our leader used was that of the drowning man rescued by a boat full of paddlers. The saved guy is given a meal and towel and allowed to rest.  Then he, too, is given a paddle and told to get to work helping other drowning men.  The old Biblical saw is this: "Give a man a fish - feed him for a day.  Give a man a fishing pole - feed him for the rest of his life."  I guess if the guy lives in the desert this isn't such great advice but you get the jist of things.

People didn't pity me when I came in bawling about my circumstances.  They didn't feel sorry for me.  They identified with me.  They spoke in a manner that indicated to me that they really understood what I was going through and that they, too, had experienced something similar.  Most importantly, they explained the solution that worked for them.  They thought it would work for me if I gave it a shot but they put absolutely no pressure on me to try this method if I didn't want to.  They seemed to be very supportive of anything I could do to stay sober and drug free but cautioned that they could only talk with any authority about their 12 Step Program.

That's the ticket.  Show me the way.  Lead me down the path but don't put a ring through my nose and yank me along.