When something good happens to me I feel guilty - I'm sure that it's going to be snatched away. When something bad happens to me I nod my head knowingly - I deserved it, I expected it, I knew it was coming. I'm like an abused dog - even if you come up to me to give me a pat on the head I flinch, expecting a kick. And this from a guy who has been showered, absolutely inundated with blessings. Clearly I'm not that smart.
OK, so I keep going to the large early morning meeting here in Vacation City - the one were no one is bowling me over to make sure I feel welcome. I have met a couple of people with whom I engage the barest of pleasantries. I feel like I have the barest of toeholds. I forget just how impatient I am, how I want things RIGHT NOW. It's no wonder it was hard to get sober; I had to compare the immediate effects of drugs and alcohol with day after day of consistent behavior, eyeing a nice future that I was dubious of.
God grant me patience immediately.
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