Horseface Steve in the Pool

I swam next to a guy today who was moving a lot faster than I was, which isn't hard to do. He also didn't take as many breaks to catch his breath as I did. In addition, he started before me and was still going at it when I finished up. "I bet I look better in a swimsuit than he does," I thought. That theory proved baseless. I don't look better in a swimsuit than anyone. As you can imagine, I pretty much hated him at that point.


I climb into the hot tub when I'm finished in the hopes that I'll be able to get out of bed the next day. I could see that the water was murkier than usual which indicates that the maintenance guys had just added chlorine. My new best friend followed me into the tub, probably to flaunt his win in the bathing suit competition, then starts making a lot of dramatic coughing and horking and sneezing noises.

"This is terrible," he said.

I tossed out a quick blow off line: "Yeah, better living through chemicals, I guess."

He wasn't done with me yet. "I don't know how you can stand it," he said, implying that my coarse genetic structure and Luddite-like intelligence enabled me to take abuse that his delicate sensibilities couldn't tolerate.

"Must be all that LSD I did in college," I said.

He stopped and gave me an appraising look. "Really," he said. "Nice," he added, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

While I enjoyed the entire exchange very much, it made me remember how careful I need to be with my anonymity in some situations, although this was not one of them. A lot of people have no idea what an alcoholic is.