Afraid of Fear

Scary: Easily frightened; very timid.

I attended a meeting last night where the topic was fear. A common topic at a meeting. We are by nature pretty fearful people. Our literature is filled with graphic descriptions of fear. It is characterized as an evil and corroding thread that has riddled the fabric of our existence. The suggestion is made that we are afraid that we won't get what we want and that what we have may be taken away from us. That covers just about everything when you think about it. I'm afraid when I don't have it and I'm afraid when I do have it. Maybe I'm not afraid during the nanosecond when the thing is transferred into my possession. I don't know. Even that seems a stretch.

During my Quiet Time this morning (by "quiet" I mean "less deafeningly loud than normal" -- quiet to most people means turning off the music entirely or playing something pleasant, like Yanni. To me it means slightly reducing the volume of Black Sabbath's Greatest Hits.) Where was I? Yes, while I was attempting to meditate I pondered the relative lack of fear in my life today. I get edgy about things but my being is no longer consumed with great suffocating waves of fear. When I was drinking fear was constantly playing in the background. It was at best a dull toothache. It never left me.

I'm not always happy today, and I get afraid about stuff like everyone else. We would hardly be human if we didn't worry about things. However, fear is not my master today (there's a great Black Sabbath album called "Master of Reality"). It's just that I have that bad boy locked down pretty tight. He doesn't have free rein in my head. He has partially subsidized rein -- it isn't an expensive rein that he has to purchase -- but I am in the game.

"Fear: this short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives."