Back to Me

I attended a meeting last night where a member talked about a job interview that she recently had. During the process of interviewing for the position she came to some conclusions about the scope of the work and the compensation package. She was eventually offered the job, which she very much wanted, only to find out that the employer had very different expectations about their agreement. She was disappointed and upset.

I have no idea what actually happened to my friend. I wasn't there. I have no reason to doubt this woman, whom I have known for a long time and believe is an honest and level-headed individual. I do know that personally I am so egocentric that I think everything is happening to me, that everybody makes decisions by first thinking about how it will affect me. This is so ludicrous as to be grounds to commit me, against my will, to the closest psych ward.

I spend a remarkably small amount of time thinking about other people yet labor under the illusion that they spend a huge amount of time thinking about me. Even good, kind, considerate people think about themselves most of the time. They aren't doing things to me. They aren't even thinking about me. They are thinking about themselves.

As part of my job responsibilities I talk to a lot of people about potential projects. Because I can't remember where I left the glass of water that I filled three minutes ago, I take very careful notes, and a lot of them. It is funny how often my follow up calls produce very different stories from my clients. I used to have to bite my tongue when I wanted to say something along the lines of: "Look, you lying SOB, that's not what you said two months ago." I thought they were lying to me with deliberate malice. It is, you will remember, all about me.

Today I realize that most people are making snap decisions based on what will make their lives easier at that moment. They aren't trying to hurt me. They are looking for the easy way out, a way that will cause them the least grief possible. And I have discovered that I do make the occasional mistake or I misunderstand someone or -- horror of horrors -- I say that I'm going to do something that I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not going to do, hoping that the whole thing will just go away.

All about me.