Toltecs and Bill W and Dr. Bob, Oh, My

"Sometimes wisdom is knowing what to overlook.  Because we never know when we are going to be in another person's shoes.  If it should happen, we want to be forgiven - for a variety of reasons.  Overlooking shortcomings is not just wisdom - it's kindness as well.  Who has not hoped the world was looking the other way when he or she fell short of being admirable?"

  

The Toltecs are killing me here.  How important is the spiritual lesson that "to err is human, to forgive divine?"  To realize that my annoyance at someone else is due to the fact that I quickly jump to the conclusion that their actions harbor ill intent, bad motives, a desire to do me personal harm, instead of deciding that maybe they just made a fucking mistake?  Priceless.  Priceless in the peace of mind department.

"Me, me, me, always me!  Nothing other people do is because of you.  It is because of themselves.  All people live in their own dream, in their own mind, so don't take it personally.  That person tried to send poison to you and if you take it personally, then you take that poison and it becomes yours.   When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts.  You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong."

The two sure steps to serenity are 1) Don't sweat the small stuff and 2) It's all small stuff.  Or an elephant is really a mouse built to an alcoholic's specifications.  Do you really think that the guy in front of you who is driving too slowly or too quickly or with their left hand turn signal blinking continuously or making a turn without using a turn signal is doing something to you?

Or . . . do you want to be right?  Or do you want to be happy?  (Ed. Note: I always thought this was a trick question, the answer being, natch, both!  I'm happy because I'm right!)

"It is not important to me what you think about me, and I don't take what you think personally.  It does not affect me because I know what I am.  I don't have the need to be accepted.  I don't have the need to have someone tell me what I am.  It doesn't matter to me."

While the axiom of "I don't give a shit" can get out of control from time to time not giving a shit can really save me some angst.

"You are the director, you are the producer, you are the main actor.  Everyone else is a secondary actor.  It is your movie.  It is no one's truth but yours.  Then if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself.  I am the excuse for you to get mad.  And you got mad because you are afraid, because you are dealing with fear.  If you are not afraid, there is no way you will get mad at me.  If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of those emotions.  Because you like the way you are.  Because you are content with you.  Because you are happy with your life.  You are happy with the movie that you are producing, happy with your agreements with life."

Here's Alcoholics Anonymous: "Every person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way.  If only people did what he wished, the show would be great.  Everyone, including himself, would be pleased.  The show would be great.  In trying to make these arrangements our actor may be quite virteous.  On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, and selfish and dishonest." 

This idea that I need to figure out what everyone else should be doing is simultaneously preposterous and profound.  I'm the actor.  I'm not even the actor, I'm an actor.