No Regrets

"The important thing is not to regret what has gone before but to take from it the lesson, the experience that was in it for us.  (Ed. Note: I like the use of the lesson rather than a lesson.  Implies that there is something specific to be learned.)  Life is a two way street, not always sunshine and flowers but a few clouds, a few tears, go with it.  It is a complex mixture of many things we are supposed to glean from it.  We cannot park by what went wrong, nor can we longer forever by something we might have done right.  It is a progressive, moving time filled with new experiences, memories both good and not so good, and many promising hours."

I am very curiously curious about this difference between an apology - a statement of regret for a harm done - and an amend - a course of action taken to correct a harm done.  Mistakes are part of life.  To err is human etc etc etc.  The key, the trick, is to stop doing whatever it was that caused offense.  Saying I'm sorry is a LOT easier than changing my behavior.

Regret:  A feeling of sadness about a mistake you have made and a wish that it could have been different or better; pain caused by deep disappointment, fruitless longing, or unavailing remorse.

I was talking to a friend before the meeting yesterday and making a joke that I was vaguely aware was close to crossing that line between edgy humor and inappropriate behavior, even offensive-to-some behavior.  And I think what made it dangerous was that I involved a third person.  This dude knows I love him and care about him and mean no harm but didn't like that the joke went outside the small circle of two.  I think I could talk after this fashion between the two of us without offending anyone.  When the third guy walked away he called me out on it in a very kind fashion, but I could see that it wasn't easy for him to tell me this stuff.  Because I knew I was awfully close to that line I acknowledged that my behavior could be misinterpreted I apologized several times, even thanking him for being secure enough in our friendship that he could bring this up, and I could see the relief on his face when I added that last bit.

After the meeting I apologized one more time and even chased down the third guy to make sure he took no offense.  OK.  Good.  Fair enough.  I'm done apologizing.  The Books have a number of passages that remind us that we don't grovel before anyone - we apologize sincerely and move on with our lives.  If the offended party doesn't accept that apology that's on the offended party's conscience, not ours, although the really important part is that I now must not behave the way I was behaving in those circumstances.  The apology is important but not as important as the amended behavior.  Apologies are great but they can, from time to time, be insincere.  Good behavior is beyond reproach.  

Falling short is fine - learning from it is not.