The Lead

"It isn't the circumstances in which we find ourselves but how we handle it that makes the difference.  If nothing ever challenged us we might not know our strength - we might never feel the power to overcome something that gives us courage to tackle another.  Giving up does not come on us suddenly, but we cultivate it on a daily basis.  Everything, success or failure - or even mediocracy - settles on us as we get ready for it.  When we think and talk failure, it happens.  When we think we can do something, we can do it."

I spoke in front of a group last night for forty-five minutes; the infamous "lead."  I'm always surprised that people attend those kinds of meetings.  I get bored if someone talks for four minutes, for chrissake, let alone forty-five.  I realize part of the reason is to support other members and that it can be personally therapeutic to talk honestly about yourself for that long, or at least try to talk honestly.  I'm also surprised at how the talk seems to meander along, go this way or that, all of its own accord.  I usually learn a nugget of truth about myself.  Often, the nugget is something positive and self-affirming instead of the shocking realizations of bad behavior and worse intentions that came out early on in my recovery.

I'm surprised at how clueless I am of what actions someone else should take.  This is one of the signature amazements of my life.  I don't .  .  . know . . . what you should do.  I have a couple of newer guys who have asked me to sit in as temporary sponsors while their official ones are less available than they normally are.  It does make me feel engaged.  I have to listen to uninteresting things from people who I usually find uninteresting.  I'm kidding here, I'm kidding.  The real problem is that I don't want to give up any of my precious time to help someone else.  As Homer Simpson once famously said: "Can't someone else do it?"

Generous guy, that Homer.  Not sure why his life philosophy is so in sync with mine . . . 

I note as per our Central Office in NYC that the Lord's Prayer spoken to close a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous is a purely North American phenomenon.   Everywhere else in the world members recite The Serenity Prayer, the 3rd or 7th Step Prayers, or some other strictly A.A.  text.  Makes me feel vindicated that I stay silent when the Lord's Prayer is recited outside of a Christian church.