That's It

For many years of my sobriety I've placed a huge premium on regular contacts with other A.A. members outside of the meeting rooms.  Some times in person, for coffee or a walk or somesuch, but often on the phone.  I believe that this is a great way to start to forge the deep friendships that are going to sustain us through our lives.  We're able to be more personal, explore problems and situations where the content isn't appropriate in meetings or to vent about someone who is annoying us - yes, it happens to me and it's going to happen to you - to get the annoyance out there and off our chests.  I've also learned that some people don't particularly like to talk on the phone - maybe they don't want to talk to me, particularly, understandable - or they have very full lives that take up much of their time.  I have some friends that I talk to regularly and then there are some that I call only infrequently, aware that they may or may not call back.  This used to offend me.  I'm an ex-salesman, after all, so being ignored on the phone is not my favorite thing in the world.  People wiser than me would just stop calling these folks regularly, something I have started to do over the last few years, resisting the impulse until then because I like to be annoyed, apparently.  If someone makes you unhappy or unspiritual, quit doing it right?  Brilliant!

Today I can call these people on occasion because I no longer demand a response that's to MY liking.  The other day I called a friend who shares my love for a particular kind of art because I visited an exhibit that I thought he would find interesting.  Crickets.  Radio silence.  The same day I put in a call to my sister.  I love my sister and we get along fine but we're not close.  We've never been close.  She did not return the call.  I'm okay with both of these instances.  I get it.  I can be an arrogant, dismissive, distracted asshole sometimes so it's possible that this behavior is so off-putting that they figure their time can best be spent elsewhere.  It's OK.  I don't really care.  I'm not mad, anymore

Several years ago I had the opportunity to talk to my sponsor of twenty-five years every day as he was heavily medicated to combat the pain of advancing cancer.  I was struck with the impression that he had one foot on earth and one foot in heaven.  He commented one day that he had come to believe that the nature of God was simply pure love.  That really stuck with me.  No judgment, no disapproval, just love.  So today I try to make my life all about taking that pure love that is the manifestation of my higher power and channeling it into the world.  

That's it.  That's what I'm trying to do.