Sponsoring an Initiate

Sponsor:  A senior member of a twelve step or similar program assigned to guide a new initiate and form a partnership with him. (Ed Note: I laughed out loud when I read this one.  The good people at Webster's need to make a couple of calls before publishing tripe like this.  I've never heard a new person called an initiate.  What do they think this is - a fraternity?  Initiates get paddled and then get drunk).

I went out for coffee after the meeting this morning with a couple of good friends.  Henry asked me to go and I declined initially - the best answer when one is unsure is always No because that can be changed to Yes more easily than the other way around - before thinking: "What exactly do you have going on, anyway?"  When ever someone asks me to do something that may involve human to human interaction I defer.  It gets too peopley most of the time.  I don't want to do anything if it involves other people.  Other people are the worst.

These guys wanted to talk about a new man who has been struggling to stay sober.  I could tell that this was not the first time they had kicked around some ideas about a good course of action. I ate my bagel and eggs and listened, an unusual turn of affairs for a know-it-all like me.  I figure I should be telling people what to do, not listening to them talk.  If I have to be around other people at least they can let me tell them what to do.  Who knows better than me?

They are such nice men.  I'm pretty nice but I'm not even in the same general universe of niceness as these guys are.  This is very typical of the part of the country I live in - people are generally positive and laid-back and . . . you know . . . nice.  Happy.  I know - it's pretty fucked-up.  I do not get it.

I got to weigh in eventually and my opinion - honed from many years of life in a more assertive part of the country - was to boot his ass to the curb, with a lot of kindness and empathy.  I think there is helping someone and there is enabling someone, and my friends were veering into the enabling section of the bookstore.  But then again, what do I know?  There are people out there who need an extra dose of TLC and there are people out there - I'm looking at you, Seaweed - who need an extra dose of boot-up-the-ass.

I shared the fact that precisely two men have asked me to sponsor them in almost 4 years of residence in this fine community - one guy is at the meeting every morning, has 15 years of sobriety, is doing fine, and has called me precisely once; the other guy disappeared for about two years and when I last saw him he was living on the streets in a most precise manner.  In the New City - full of rain and dark youths - I had like 1,329 people ask me to sponsor them.  Seriously. Go figure.  Who knows?  Maybe I'm the dark one now.  What a weird, strange journey this is.

I'm OK with this turn of events - I'm not a patient man and new people beg for a lot of patience.  I realize that working with the newly sober can be very satisfying and good for the sober soul but all I can do is raise my hand when the secretary asks for volunteers to be temporary sponsors.  I do try to get to the meeting early and work the room - I'm so very outgoing and willing to stick out my hand and try to make everyone feel welcome.  I can't tell you how many times someone has said: "Thanks for listening."  People seem to like this.

Maybe I'm sponsoring the whole goddam room.  Didja ever think about that.