Just Like That

Grief:  Pain of mind arising from misfortune, significant personal loss, misconduct of oneself or others, etc.  

I have continued to attend a grief support group every other week.  I don't know, I'm not totally sold on the concept yet.  It seems like a solid, healthy thing to do and, god knows. some of the folks in the group really need to hang their hat on something.  I continue to marvel at the variety of strengths of The Fellowship: our patience with ideas which may not fit our world view; the ease and frequency with which we get to talk to people about all manner of things going on in our life; the sense of belonging that comes when we gather together with other humans who have undergone some of the same bad shit that we went through.

There are a few people in the group who clearly don't have anyone else to talk to about what they're going through.  I get this - it can be uncomfortable sharing deep feelings, especially ones that we're not used to feeling.  Part of the reason I'm going is that perhaps I can be an ass in a seat so these folks have someone to listen when they share.  That might sound arrogant, to a small degree, and I don't mean it to - it's just that if I show up at a meeting with something to get off my chest and there's no one there that something remains on my chest.

I was struck last week at the varieties of grief - attendees have lost a son, a brother, mothers and fathers; they've lost beloved pets; they have had physical injuries with an accordant loss of function; they're enduring divorces after many years with a partner.  And I'm struck at how the length and intensity of the grief can vary - being an intolerant sort I whipsaw between disbelief that someone can still be grieving long after the loss of a relationship that doesn't seem monumental and amazement that someone else can find the strength to even get out of bed.

A dear friend of mine had a massive stroke a couple of days ago and has been declared brain dead.  He's on life support with a DNR order, waiting quietly for an out of state daughter to arrive at which point I believe they turn off the ventilator.  I've learned that I have to go through what I have to go through.  There's no set of instructions for this kind of stuff.