Big Mo

Momentum:  The force , either of a body in motion, or of an idea or course of events; in physics, the tendency of a body to maintain its inertial motion, the product of its mass and velocity.

I find it comforting to see the world as a series of images or maybe analogies.  Perhaps this is the storyteller in me.  Perhaps it is the continuation of a long string of LSD flashbacks.  Anyway, talking about the resistant newcomer with my extremely nice friends made me think about how difficult it is to move forward with sobriety once the decision is made to be sober.  Honestly, most of the things that I've wanted to accomplish that were difficult took some work to overcome the sheer momentum of inertia.  I have little notes in my little notebook about tasks I want to complete or behavior that I want to eliminate that I've been moving forward for years.  Maybe I'll get to them someday, maybe tomorrow, but it wouldn't be outrageous to suggest that they've got the upper hand and may remain undone.

There was a guy in The Old City who described the difficulty he had in early sobriety in nuclear warfare terms, an apt metaphor if you think about it.  He said that he had spent his entire life getting up and launching long-range warheads at the people, places, and institutions that were on his Shit List.  Ka-boom.  Ka-blooey.  Then he quit drinking and stopped the regular launches.  Good for him but the air was still full of the missiles that he had been firing off.  The Ka-booms and Ka-blooeys continued to occur.  So it can be frustrating changing one's M.O.  It doesn't happen with the snap of your fingers.

I like the imagery of being the captain of a large battleship.  At first I was out at sea so my reckless boat operation was relatively benign.  As I continued to drive or pilot or whatever you do with a battleship - I'm not a boat guy which begs the question: what's with the boat analogy? - at a high rate of speed I got closer and closer to the shore, eventually beginning to blast through swimming areas and run over smaller boats and crush the odd dock or wharf or pier or breakwater.  OK, I get sober and turn off the boat engines but the boat is not a tricycle so it continues to smash over shit.  This happens for a while.  It's a big boat and it has a lot of momentum.

The lesson here is to buy a small boat.