The Three Absolutes

Absolute:  Complete; utter; outright; unmitigated; entire; total; not qualified or diminished in any way; without limitation.  

One of the most powerful benefits of The Program is that it gets us in the habit of talking about everything, especially important in the sex, money, power instinctual departments, those most troublesome of departments.  I have some guys that I can easily talk to about everything.  I also have lots of guys - and some women, too - that I can talk to about just about everything and with whom I could make the transition to the absolutely everything department if I the need became acute.  Generally, I leave the gory details of these instincts at the door when I walk into a meeting.  Everybody there knows the general tenor of my instinctual problems and I go into specifics to make a point but I am careful not to get too personal.  People don't need to hear every last twist and turn of the problems I occasionally have with money, power, and sex, problems that all of us are going to have from time to time.  There are very few absolutes in The Fellowship but that's one of them.

My sponsor listened to my reflections on my parents and how they positioned money in their lives. I have to remember that my folks grew up in a much different world than I did, lest I get into the "You're Doing It Wrong" state of mind that seems to predominate my worldview.  He told a story about his father buying a new refrigerator and trying to talk the appliance store into loading it in the trunk of his car - a Cadillac, for chrissake - to save the $10 delivery charge.  They kindly told him that they'd be happy to waive the fee and deliver the refrigerator for free.

Before dad got very sick I had been looking at replacing SuperK's car.  Spandex has been having a few problems with his old car, so we had a casual conversation about whether my vehicle might be a good fit for him.  Spandex is one of the guys that I talk to about absolutely everything so he has patiently listened to my money musings after dad died - while there's no connection between the new car and dad's death I will admit it has taken a little of the pressure off.  He suggested that maybe going out and splurging once might be a way to reduce that pressure - give yourself a treat and then drop back into your old lifestyle.

"So you're suggesting that I buy that new car?" I said, never missing a chance to needle someone.

"Well," he said.  "I was thinking more along the lines of a nice dinner."

I think the point is that as long as I'm leaving no impulses in my secret never-telling-anyone place that I end up behaving pretty well.