A Few Dollars More

I have expressed my irritation over the years with my parents cavalier attitude as regards my money.  I have a strong belief that they were not averse to situations that forced me to spend it.  I don't think they spent much time pondering my money at all.  Of course, it is my belief that everyone is thinking about me all of the time.  They are doing things to me.  This is my great belief.  This is how I perceive the world: me, at the center, everyone swirling around me, with me at the center, the focus of everyone's thoughts.

Yes.  Yes, of course.

I was mulling over how many times I've returned home since I left five years and three months ago.  I calculate that this is my 11th or 12th trip.  I did have some work obligations at the start and I do enjoy my family and my friends and visiting old haunts, but not 11 or 12 times worth.  I can recall maybe one instance where my folks offered to chip in for anything and it's not like we were trading off on the travel.  No one has come to visit me yet.  I have been frequently annoyed by this.  On one trip I asked mom if I could use their car to save me the expense of a rental, that I only absolutely needed it for one specific time to get to a dentist appointment, other than that I'd work around their schedule - they never used the thing - and my mom refused: "We might need it."  Once or twice my annoyance flared up and boiled out of my mouth, but mostly I keep my pie-hole closed.  So, to my credit my mouth remained shut.  To my detriment my thinking . . . well . . . sucked wind.

Over the years I reflected on how frugal my parents were.  Sometimes their reluctance to spend money affected me greatly, was a deterrent to my comfort, and occasionally a hardship.  I was remembering my freshman year at college, horribly homesick, having to walk several blocks once a week so that they could drive down to my father's office and make a toll-free call on a company line.  I know it saved some money.  Maybe it was the only way they thought they could chip in on my education, which was almost completely my responsibility.

I have been getting my parents' financial affairs in order this week and was surprised to see that I have some money coming my way.  Not as much money as I want, of course - there's never enough of that - but more than I expected.  It is going to pay for my trips back, at least.  So I'm glad I kept quiet.  Maybe this is how they wanted it to be.  Maybe they planned on this.  Maybe it would have irritated the hell out of them to kick in a few bucks here and there, preferring to dump it on me in a lump sum.

I don't do things this way.  Ergo, it's the wrong way to do things.  Shit, what do I know, anyway?