Something Else

Else:  Other; in addition to previously mentioned items.

So I call the airline a couple of weeks ago to change my ticket when it became obvious that I would have to return early to see my father.  Incredibly, they agreed to refund the $99 rebooking fee if I provided a letter from the nursing home, signed by the doctor, indicating the severity of my dad's condition and my flight confirmation number - OYIB6N, seared in my memory forever and a day for reasons that will become apparent.  Fax that bad boy in, they say, then place a follow-up call in a couple of hours to verify that the document was received.

This I do.

One half an hour of phone time later, with numerous stops and starts, comings and goings, permitting me to memorize an entire register of Frontier Airlines commercials, I'm told to call back later.  System problems.  I note that The System has never, ever failed when I'm being asked to supply money, only when I'm trying to get it back.  Still, it's their game and their rules.

All in all, I'm impressed that I'm even in the refund game so I clam up and soldier on.

Later on . . . 

An additional one half of an hour of phone time is required to be told that they do indeed have the letter.  Unfortunately, circumstances have changed, and not for the better from my perspective.  My letter is now moot.  It indicates that my father is, in fact, dead, not gravely ill. A new letter is required.  From the funeral home, not from the doctor.  Dead trumps ill, in the refund game.  The fact that the ill led to the dead holds no sway with the refunders and that's really the only sway that's important.

I'm a pretty patient guy but it has been a long week.

"Let me get this straight," I say.  "The letter says that it was imperative that I return home at an earlier date because my father was ill - for which you agreed to waive the rebooking fee - but since he has died - which would seem to confirm the gravity of the illness - a new letter is required?  Why wouldn't you just honor your original offer - no rebooking fee for a grave illness?  The fact that he died doesn't have anything to do with anything, in the rebooking fee refund world that you are so cavalierly prancing and mincing around in.  My father and I have honored the 'gravely ill' requirement."  I may have thrown the word "fucking" in there once or twice.  Maybe not.  My memory is unclear.  It wouldn't surprise me.

The agent holds her ground, then adds: "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Well," I replied, quite reasonably.  "You really haven't helped me with anything yet.  The 'else' implies that you've already helped me with a thing - which you have not.  The 'else' permits me to infer that I have been helped already with at least one other thing."

I was inordinately pleased with myself.  I thought it was a big finish.  It did not move any refunds my way, however.