The Real Alcoholic

There are a couple of descriptions of the "real alcoholic" in the Big Book chapter "There Is A Solution."  Because the book was written when The Fellowship mostly dealt with desperately low-bottom alcoholics some of the narrative trends too extreme for me and my history, and therefore doesn't closely resonate.  But when I read the text closely, analyze the descriptions with perspective, I uncover a lot of truths that do apply to my experience.

To wit: "The real alcoholic may or may not become a continuous hard drinker.  But at some stage in his drinking career (don't you just love the use of the word 'career' when used to describe alcoholic drinking?) he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.  He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept."

I think back on the two great wrong moments in my life - one academic, one career related - when I made the unconscious decision to drink instead of making the important decision or meeting the important engagement.  At the time I would have disagreed with the characterization of "Fuck it - I need a drink" but deep down I knew that was exactly what I was doing.  I had lost the will to override my need to drink, damn the consequences.  I got drunk every day but because I avoided hard liquor by and large I didn't get insanely drunk.  I was vaguely aware I was destroying things but not aware enough to stop what I was doing.