Fire!

I can usually find some commonality with everyone I meet.  I can almost always find this with an alcoholic, recovering or not.  And then there is that subset of people with whom I share a scary amount of emotional genetic DNA.  These are the people that I feel like I can help the most.  These are the people with whom I can share parts of my self that I believe will really resonate.  These are the people who teach me the most about myself.

I have a young friend in my meeting who burns energy like a mouse on meth.  Tries to accomplish way too much way too fast.  While I admire the get-up-and-go I shake my head at the agita that this need-for-speed can produce.  I'm in that subset of people who do a lot and berate myself for not doing more.  I'm not even sure what I'm trying to accomplish at this point.  I'm fucking retired for chrissake.  In one of my journals I have a long English to graduate students, for chrissake.

BTW, agita was one of those words.  See how I snuck in it this morning?  Angst would have worked just fine and it's a word that's much more recognizable.  Am I pushing myself to learn or am I trying to sound smarter than I think I am?  Whatever.

I've always loved the fire analogy.  Fire is elemental and is neither good or bad.  It's fire.  It doesn't have a personality.  You can light ten candles and the fire is exactly the same in each candle.  You can use the fire to cook your food, heat your house, and take a nice, warm shower.  You can also scorch all the skin off your face, burn your house to the ground, and reduce everything in the Pacific Palisades to smoldering rubble.  Same fire.  The scorching fire isn't bad and the warm-shower fire isn't good.  It's how I apply it.  

It's the same thing with my high personal motor.  I can get a lot done and I can make myself neurotic by berating my shortcomings.