Not Entirely Buying This . . .

Our Saturday meeting is much larger than the weekday meetings.  I went yesterday - I led the meeting, in fact, so, yes, it was a tremendous meeting - but I confess that most of the time about half the stuff I hear doesn't rock my world.  A lot of people talk for too long and a lot of people are far too boring and I know the general schtick of a lot of them (as they know my general schtick) so I can almost speak in their stead I know their message so well.  Fortunately, my recovery program includes the meeting, the meeting before the meeting, the meeting after the meeting, and any social activities I enjoy with other recovering members - walks, coffee, and such.  One of these is a stroll on the beach with a guy I'd say I'm unofficialy sponsering-ish.  He has a sponsor and is engaged with him but it never hurts to hear a different opinion, especially if it comes from me.

He talks often about women he knows in The Fellowship.  He's married, happily so, with a family, and has not acted improperly as far as I know - and really what do I know?  we're great liars after all - but I'm struck with how often this is the main topic of our conversations.  He doesn't talk about his children or his work but he does talk about these women.  A lot.  Almost every time.  Every time, if I think about it.

Anyway, here are the questions I'd have him ask someone expressing similar behavior and feeling similarly uncomfortable about it:

Why are you talking to women after the meeting?

Why aren't you talking to men?  I understand it's normal and healthy to talk to both men and women but it should be like a ratio of three to one and you rarely talk about the men so I'm guessing that's not the ratio you're shooting for.

Are you talking to the older women with lots of sobriety or are you heading to the cute, young, single women?

Why are you getting phone numbers of women? And once again I'm guessing its the young women and not the old timers?

At my morning meeting there were probably ten to twelve guys with under six months of sobriety.  Talking to any of them?  Getting any of their phone numbers?

If I had a video of you talking to these women would I see an aggressive body stance - too close, holding eye contact for too long - and hear any words that could be considered suggestive or ambiguous?

There's an anecdote in The Big Book about the fact that our freedom from alcoholism means we can go to places that serve alcohol or where drinking will be present - situations that in the past would have meant that we would inevitably get drunk - IF we can affirm that we have a sound social or business reason for being there.  We're reminded that if we suspect we might just be looking for a frisson of the old excitement of drinking and drunkeness, a contact high so to speak, then we'd be better off staying away.

My experience is that if someone is talking about something that there's a reason for that.