The 21st Year is the Hardest

Twenty: Two times ten; the cardinal number between 19 (which is a piece of cake) and 21 (which is the hardest).

Today I'm celebrating 20 years of marriage -- continuous marriage -- and the entire experience has been a walk in a meadow on a Spring morning with cute, little birds and butterflies flitting and prancing about. I no longer pay attention to the swarms of stinging horseflies and rain clouds gathering in the distance. I'm sure that they'll go away, or they are an illusion or a hallucination of some kind. Maybe the whole meadow is a hallucination. Maybe the whole marriage is an illusion -- my history with relationships has not been that good and I'm still trying to flush all of the LSD and cannabis residue out of my system.

In the not too distant past I turned 50 -- actually that's been almost 3 years ago so that's getting to be slightly distant -- and I celebrated 20 years of sobriety -- and that's been 2 years ago, now that I think about it, so that's not that recent, either. Where the hell does the time go? Of these 3 milestones I'm most impressed with the marriage anniversary. What did I have to do to achieve 20 years of sobriety? Don't drink and don't die. And 50 years of age? Don't die, which is even simpler. If you're married the key is don't drink, don't die, and don't let your spouse kill you, which can be tricky if you have a murderous mate. I mean, you have to maneuver around with another person in mind, which is hard when you're totally consumed with yourself.

It's funny that if you just take a deep breath and move through your day trying to do the next right thing and paying attention to god that everything seems to work out in the long run. When I'm in a good spot, nothing SuperK can do vexes me, and when I'm lost in a spiritual desert, she can't do anything right. So obviously it's all a function of me and my attitude. The thing with a partner and kids and parents is that they're right there all of the time. Makes them convenient targets. And for an excitement junkie having to deal with the same people or jobs or friends over and over and over can be most annoying.


Low profile, and lots of disguises. That's my secret. And just keeping MY MOUTH SHUT. That has never failed me.