$2

A few years back I started to give a couple of bucks to any down and out person who asked, and SuperK has followed suit. Maybe it was her idea first, I don't know. I never shy from taking public credit for any good deed, even if it's not mine. Especially when it's not mine. Keeping it to yourself is stupid. What's the use of doing something nice unless everyone knows about it?

I rarely gave money when I was drinking. I was too suspicious of the motives of others. I was afraid that someone was going to take advantage of me. Plus, I couldn't spare any money that could be well spent on drugs and alcohol. This attitude was to be expected -- I spent so much time lying and manipulating others that I couldn't imagine a world where everyone else wasn't doing the same thing. I mean, think about the scam, it's brilliant: dress in dirty clothes and stand in the rain choking on exhaust fumes at a highway off-ramp to collect some change. I'm sure these people are going back to their mansions in the best areas of town to dine on caviar and champagne, all on my nickle.



I don't like the idea that the money might go for drugs and alcohol, either, but today I'm not so sure of that. I figure if you're a drunk and you're using, the best outcome is for you get to the end of your journey as quickly as you can, whether that's making it to A.A. or making it to the graveyard. For me, either of those options was better than slowly strangling to death with my disease.

I learned this in A.A.. I look around my meetings and see people who I have known for years and people who I've seen sober up. And then there's the sliver of folks who are just starting. Not to be blunt about it, but their prospects aren't very good. They probably won't stay sober. I bounced in and out for months before I got any adhesion. The regulars at my meetings would have been perfectly justified in saying: "I'm not going to waste one minute on you, you liar." Instead, they bent over backward, time and time again, to make me feel welcome.


Maybe this time the $2 is bus fare to get that guy to treatment or to his son's house for a clean bed and hot meal. Maybe this time something I say to the new guy makes sense, and he finds a meeting tomorrow night.


You never know.