Of Eastern Mysticism and Giant Carp

On a recent trip to California I stumbled on a small Japanese meditation garden. I entered the lovely green space which was full of beautiful plants and tinkling streams flowing into pools filled with freakishly large -- frighteningly large -- technicolor mutant carp. I didn't dangle my toes in those pools, I can assure you that. There was a nice mix of shade and sun. Japanese lanterns and the like decorated the area. Ah, yes, the mystical Easterners know how to meditate, I thought. I'm really going to learn something today.

I was a little surprised when the path snaked over to an industrial chain-link fence which separated the garden from a parking lot. This was California after all. Cars were pulling in and out, discharging loud groups of people, doors were slamming, engines turning over. I was becoming a little distracted from the illusion that I was high up on Mt. Fuji on a Spring day when a large jet thundered directly overhead on its approach to the San Diego airport, which was quite clearly not too far away. All I needed to completely set the scene was a long freight train rumbling by.

I'm not sure I could come up with a better visual for my attempts to meditate. I'm trying to settle down and think good thoughts. But there seem to be fighter jets strafing into my consciousness and spraying my little brain with pellets of anger and fear and irritating people. There's a flaming chain-link fence a thousand feet high separating Calm Horseface from Normal Horseface (hint: not calm).

Today I will close my eyes and think about . . . about . . . giant carp crashing through my front door! They have me in their huge jaws, razor sharp teeth shredding my flesh!! Ahhhh!!!!