I Must Admit That I'm Rarely Wrong

Moral: Implies conformity with the generally accepted standards of goodness or rightness in conduct or character, sometimes, specifically in sexual conduct.

Tough concept, this morality stuff. Lots of wiggle room for wiggling alcoholics to wiggle through. We have to interpret phrases like "generally accepted" and swallow whole huge concepts like "goodness" and "rightness." I have only a hazy idea what those words mean, and I can bend and twist them to fit my own standards of conduct whenever it's convenient or pleasurable for me to do so. I hold you to rigorous standards and allow myself to slop all over the place.

I think it's illuminating that we generally think of sex when we think of morals. The Big Book speculates that nothing causes alcoholics more trouble than sex. I got up a good head of steam on the Moral Express recently because I heard through the grapevine (and by "through the grapevine" I mean "I was gossiping") that a fellow traveler -- someone I like quite a lot -- was engaging in some sexual behavior that I find particularly distasteful. Just like that, I became judge, jury, and executioner because this individual wasn't hewing to my exacting standards.

Once my righteous indignation cooled a bit, I started to ponder sexual morality. Man, there are a lot of different ways to look at it. Some of us think that sex outside of a marriage is wrong. Some religions warn of dire consequences to those of us who engage in - ahem - self-gratification. Others think sex is OK only to conceive a child. One of us sees sleazy behavior and another healthy experimentation.

I really like the concept of "To thine own self be true." If it makes me feel bad inside, it's no good for me. If I am selfish in my pursuit of whatever sexual activity I think is reasonable, it's no good for me. If I can't tell my AA advisers what I'm doing, it's no good for me.

I need to keep a close check on my motives, dammit.