I told SuperK this morning that one of her greatest gifts to me was letting me be who I am. I can't imagine this is always easy. I'm not a person who behaves in a conventional manner. This must be irritating to a much more normal, conventional person. I believe that a relationship goes through a few phases. First, when you're falling in love you can overlook aspects of the other person you don't care for because you're in the thrall. Then, after a while, shit starts to irritate you so the natural inclination is to try to change the other person, to mold them into the person you'd like them to be. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing - SuperK showed me that there were times to be unconventional but that sometimes that could hurt my chances when I was in a more conventional situation. But then comes the critical point: letting the other person be their own authentic self. This requires tremendous personal, spiritual growth. SuperK talks about coming to the realization that I was just being me and that it didn't reflect on who she was.
We were in Japan several years ago in a city that has a lot of famous shrines and monasteries. I asked a local guide about one of the most famous sites. He said: "If you want to go there I'd suggest getting a guidebook - these are written by people who have done a lot of research and know more about that shrine than I'll ever know. However, if you want to get a little off the beaten track . . . " and then he suggested a few less well-known temples. Wow, I'll forever be grateful that he did that. We took a taxi to this big complex and walked inside, free to explore on our own. We kind of stumbled around for a minute until one of the staff who spoke a little English noticed that we were lost and offered to ferry us around. She was so great - she'd explain the importance of a room or exhibit and then she'd stand there quietly while we absorbed it all. If we took a minute, she waited for a minute. If we needed five minutes, she waited for five minutes. She did not talk after her initial explanation unless we had a question. At the end of the complex she bowed politely and dissolved into the background. There was an older monk sitting at a table with some literature laid out in the final room - this guy looked like he was a monk right out of central casting: orange robe, shaved head, big, thick glasses, beatific smile on his face. We chatted with him for a minute and then he said: "I think, right now, you are the happiest couple in the world." Well, yeah, we bought a book after that comment. He took a minute to inscribe something inscrutable on the inside cover and then we were off.
In The States I'd have chalked that up to some sales bullshit from someone trying to sell me something but in this environment I believe that man saw something in how we carried ourselves and spoke a truth. Sometimes it's hard to hear a compliment. I'm a suspicious, paranoid guy by nature, often suspecting some kind of jive or angle. But, you know, I do believe that if you work The Steps and live a spiritual life then you start to give off an aura. People feel your peace, they sense it, and it makes them feel calm and good. I believe this monk has so trained his mind that he has a great intuitive feel for peace and calm and good intentions.
Oh, yeah, I shoplifted some shit from the monastery. That monk was a sucker. I know an easy mark when I see one.
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