Recovery? Recovery!

I asked someone recently what recovery meant to him.  Beyond the obvious structural changes - no drugs and no alcohol - and the obvious structural benefits - no jails, more money, better relationships.  What are the benefits of being in recovery?  He stammered and stumbled along, to my great amusement, being a guy who loves to see other guys suffer, while making me think: "How would I respond to that question?  Beyond the obvious benefits enumerated above?

Well . . . .

I'm much calmer and slower in my thinking and actions.  I'm not so reactive and quick to scuffle.  I pause and consider and this helps me to act like a sane person, a reasonable adult.

I'm aware and I'm present.  I love the imagery of my essence floating up above my carnal being and watching what's going on instead of being right in the thick of everything going on.  Watching before acting. I used to be the guy getting on the haunted roller coaster in the deserted, haunted amusement park while a killer is on the loose.  Now I'm the Floating Guy who reaches down and gently tugs on the Stupid Guy's collar and says: "Hey, let's go get some pizza instead."  I can see the Big Picture more easily.  I'm more aware of what's going on, what's really going on.

I now possess genuine love and concern for other people.  I used to think I did while dedicating all my free time to expressing love and concern for myself.  Eventually, because of the spiritual lessons I gleaned during my time in Alcoholics Anonymous, I started to pretend like I loved and cared for other people while pretty much still indulging my obsession for my own well-being. Better, sure, but not that much better.  Today?  It comes naturally.  While I still think of myself a lot I think of other people more.

I'm more tolerant of everyone else.  People do not annoy me to any serious degree anymore.  I'm all like "whatever, dude."  I love everyone; I like most people well enough; and a few of you annoy the shit out of me.  That sounds fair.  That sounds pretty good.

I have a slower, lower motor.  Probably some of this is a blessing of the aging process but I'm not moving forward at great speed in a car with no brakes.  I still run hot but it's manageable hot.  I'm satisfied with what I've done . . . most of the time . . . some of the time . . . one time millions of years ago in a universe a million light years away.

I have a great deal of gratitude.  I've got it good.  I've got it good.

Heresy:  Any belief that strongly opposes established, official, or orthodox standards.

Apostasy:  An act of refusing to continue to follow. obey, or recognize a religious faith.

A heretic has beliefs.  An apostate has none.