Maybe I'm Just Annoying?

"I am responsible for what I say, but I am not responsible for what you hear."

Toltecs

Have you  ever heard of the concept of The Smoky Mirror?  It refers to the filters that we all have when we're viewing reality.  Whatever we see is distorted by our own beliefs and ideas, or our preconditioned point of view.  This helps me to see my prejudices and it also helps in my relationships with other people.  Am I dealing with the person I see or am I working through a thick haze of smoke, trying to penetrate their belief systems to see what's really going on?  Is it me or is it a show? 

Showtime!

I've come to believe that different people need different things from me.  Or from other people.  I used to have a One Size Fits All approach to life - this is what I like to give and this is what I like to receive and you damn well better fit into this approach.  Remember the square peg in the round hole?  Remember the big hammer?  Remember the sledgehammer?  I have a young guy who texts me almost every day and he almost always says "I love you!" and sometimes this is all he says.  I have other friends who respond to half of my texts.  I don't reply to every text the guy sends me - it's not my preferred form of communication and it's enough with the "I love you!" crap already.  So when my other buddies don't respond to my texts each and every time I don't get my feelings hurt and I'm not upset that I'm always the one who starts the texting chain . . . but, come to think of it, maybe I'm just annoying and that's why they don't respond hmmmm?  Whatever, dude, going to keep doing it.  With my A.A. daughter I believe that when I check in that it's a reminder that someone is thinking about her which is not something she could rely on from her homeless, drug addict real dad before she came into Alcoholics Anonymous.  I don't have to be specific with my emotions or my intentions - it's letting her know someone is paying attention, someone has her best interests in mind.

And I know that those of us who are very self-sufficient can get bent over backwards when - as is going to happen from time to time - a whole swath of tough, painful things, stuff that we could easily handle one at a time, hit us all at once.  This is why it's important to keep those lines of communication open - we don't know when communicating is going to be critical.